God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
