i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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