the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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