Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
