Dual....:-)
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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