well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to make out with him forever
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
