They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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