I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
