Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A+ Viking dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
