yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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