her vagine was all disorganized.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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