I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
