I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
