I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
