Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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