it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
