I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
