So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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