"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
