Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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