who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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