I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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