I faked an abortion last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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