The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
