I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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