Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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