I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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