I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
