How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
