Where did you get a picture of my penis
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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