But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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