I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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