forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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