even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
