I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
