dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
