My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
