yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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