Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
