tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My balls are so social today.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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