Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
