I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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