Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
