bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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