My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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