GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
