i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
