I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
