i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
