I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
