she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
