the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
