how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
