and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
