Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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