I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
