I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
