dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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