K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
