Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
