im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
